FSA

The British Food Standards Authority (FSA) is lobbying to get caloric and nutritional breakdowns of every dish served within a restaurant printed on said restaurant's menu. This comes after their coup of having calorie counts slapped on every pre-packaged piece of food in the country.

Basically, if you want to order coq au vin with two glasses of beaujolais followed by a tiramisu, you'd do so knowing you were ingesting a grand total of 1400 evil, gut-padding calorie bastards. This will make people healthier and develop functional relationships with the foodstuffs put in front of them, because they're not having to worry themselves with trifles such as "am I full?" or "what do I feel like eating?" Instead, they can pick by number, and eschew fripperies such as taste, preference, or desire for a novel or surprising taste experience.

I wonder why they FSA are so modest in their goals. Why not insist upon weighing every diner at the door-way upon entry to a restaurant? And then, based upon whether the diner was under, over, or bang-on their ideal weight, you could serve them up a 800-calorie, 300-calorie, or 500-calorie mint-scented nutrionally-balanced paste accordingly to ensure they are not in any way deviating from obtaining physical perfection in having an evening out?

Gilman once got accosted by a work-mate for daring to eat a bowl of cornflakes for breakfast, which, as we all know and worry about (lest we awake to find hundreds of mutinous little flakey interlopers have abandoned the cupboards and wormed their way into our mouths, thence forth to our gullets) "contain a lot of sugar. You should eat porridge. It's the best breakfast food."

A sentence like the one issued to Gilman about his cornflake consumption could easily be mistaken as banal, vacuous, unsolicited food policing. But really it's proof positive human evolution was worth it. I mean, finally, we don't have to eat for enjoyment. We can eat to get the numbers right.